dInIe

wishy washy

2006-12-11T08:55:00.000-08:00

wishes

are just wishes

everyone would want their wishes to be granted

but for a fact

not all can be granted we actually dont even have a fairy to start with

our wishes are things that we would just have to work our ass off an work for it to happen

many wishes i have

but i rather dump the thoughts

wish wish wish

people ask me what's my wish,

i just want my little wishes to be granted.

sowhat's your wish?

2006-12-05T08:22:00.000-08:00

self reflection
on youth behavior
on the society
on religion
on influences
on mentality
on importance of all this

i'm still rather lost
several questions unanswered
questions that are not even allowed to be questioned
leaving me with what's left to be accepted and to be believed
and an answer or explanation, expected to be understood

was talking to my friends earlier in the evening
religion
one of my mate was in religion A
and i'm in religion B
and another, a free thinker *religionless*

the way youths pratice their religions are so much different
i have to admit that i'm not "strong" religiously but for the fact that i dont behave rowdily, it's a point to note =)

the elders would stereotype those who arent religiously strong as "those kind of people""those kind of people" - are referred as people with body piercings, tattoos, vulgarities flowing out of their mouth like running tap, late night hang outs and such
whereas my mate (in religion A) is actually enjoying it
the classes he has
constantly going in and out of the place fo worship

i find it hard to believe youths getting involve and engage in their religion despite the influences they may receive, the ever changing and corrupted (with sinful acts) society that we are living in

i have to admit i am really embarrassed
however,
i have faith in my religion but i'm still not ready to act the way i'm expected to
do what i'm expected to, live the way i'm expected to
my heart is just not opened yet
i know i will one day
i want myself to be prepared am already doing the very least of understanding what is expected

the only thing is, i am not practicing it
just not yet
when u compare the both of us with my another mate (religionless)you can compare the restrictions they have
the language
they usethe way
they look at life, and the reasoning to it

what has youth's behaviour got to do with the religion they are in?
are there really?
will the elders ever get rid of their mentality that all youth whom are weak in their religion are rowdy and ruthless and all?
is this what religion teaches?
i bet notwhy scrutinize and criticize others?
why don't they simply guide the right way?

questions
questions
questions

a night @ Church of St Mary's of the Angels

2006-12-03T08:29:00.000-08:00

a night of music
bands showing off their thing
all originals...
Bismuth, August Star, Lobose and more

was over a the Church of St Mary's of the Angels for Advent Sessions
it's probably the first time i actually see bands perform live!
and what's more intersting, in a church! *smiles*

i guess the only reason why i went was for a friend
Chris was part of Bismuth, one of the many bands who perfomed
a classmate, a friend and partner in many things *grins*

all the bands doing their thing,
all in the name of charity

at home...

2006-11-26T03:13:00.000-08:00

Life hasn’t been all smooth sailing. But I didn’t say that it was all horrific or disastrous without any element of excitement or fun. It has, only that I didn’t have the time to appreciate every single one of it.

2 days back, had a “family gathering” sort of thing. Bro came over with his wife. We all sat, mother and I had a discussion. Of cause the common topic would be about my sis and I, about our lifestyle and sort. It was alright in the beginning but it started to become a lil bit tense. I, at some point raised my voice. It was merely being all excited! I admit that at some point I sounded kinda rude but I told her from the start that I apologize if I was to raise my voice at anytime because I was simply excited.

I guess she didn’t acknowledge that part. As the discussion continued, u could hear her voice start to tremble, she was crying inside. I mean what was I to do? I thought it was suppose to be a discussion, where we just share what we felt and no grudges?

She took it all too hard. it wasn’t suppose to be that way.

Right now, a cold war has begun. She isn’t talking to me and same for me. I know I am not at fault. She wanted to hear what I had to say and when I do say it out, she gets hurt.

What am I to do?

diniy hamzah

2006-11-21T07:49:00.000-08:00

16 November 2006, exactly month after i celebrated my long awaited 17th birthday. it's funny how the way you think and the way you act actually grows with your age. i've come to realised that especially when am facing with so much things happening in such a short time.

it's rather ironic how i can actually accept the things that i have to face when these are the things in life that i find it hard to understand and having to accept them is even tougher.

maturity you might say, but i guess it's the exposure that i get that's making me... ME.

life has been hectic since i came into RP. meetings have no ending. one after another. sometimes i ask, what have i gotten myself into? then again, all this has given life in Republic much more meaningful and substance.i cant doubt that for sure.

it's nearing the 9th week of semester two. my class, a bunch of people who are just simply hilarious. never fail to come our with a joke (may not even sound right!) and make one another cry laughing. great peeps. i'd say i'm quite happy because for the first few weeks, everyone was just in their own shell and not opening up. BUT NOW... it's a totally different story. everyone talks to EVERYONE. we are having the time of our life with each others company (or so to claim). never fail to crack a joke, never fail to keep quite. without this there wouldnt be a class of W26E. it's just us. i'm blessed to have made lots of friends here. a couple whom i trust and those whom are simply close.always by your side be it physically or mentally.

despite all my new friends made, i know i still have my dearies back from secondary school who would always, always be with me, through thick and thin. bless them.

holidays are coming and am so looking forward for it. am travelling out of town with my sis, free from chores, free from school, free from curfew, free from parents (for the trip)... already planned to get stuffs. alot of stuffs.

i guess, this entry is rather diffferent from my usual... loves.

forlorn

hari raya gathering @ 12 November '06

2006-11-12T21:20:00.000-08:00

apologies for not updating for like a long time
been really busy with events management and school (still am actually) *grins*

went out with my secondary school mates yesterday
the long awaited hari raya outing

headed down to huda's place with ONLY 5 PEOPLE
5 PEOPLE ONLY

but more started to show up by the 3rd house.
when all added up, it made 13 of us.

13 people equals 13 houses
supposingly *some just gave reasons why their house is not avail....blah...*

we met at 11am and was back home at 11pm
12 HOURS OF VISTING

lets do this

13 PEOPLE
12 HOURS OF VISITING
11 AM TO 11 PM
10 OUT 13 WHO WENT, THEIR HOUSES, WE VISITED
9 TO 930PM WE WERE STUCK AT MAZUIN'S PLACE
8 OUT OF THE 13 WERE GIRLS
7 SMOKERS
6 GUYS
5 HOUSE WE WENT , ALL SERVED FOOD!!!
4 TEACHERS - NOT AT HOME
3 BY THE TIME WE REACH THE 3RD HOUSE, I WS ALRADY DRAINED
2 HOUSES - PARENTS NOT IN - SELF ENTERTAINMENT
1 THING EVERYONE WANTED WHEN WE REACHED THE LAST HOUSE, TO GO HOME

* will post up the pictures once i've uploaded them!

missing

2006-11-06T23:07:00.000-08:00

missing time
gaining problems and stress
lots of catching up to do

missing sleep
events after events
lots of rest needed

missing myself
doing too many stuff, not myself
need myself back

2006-11-02T07:38:00.000-08:00

just to dropping by to post up some pictures....

a chance to unwind...finally

2006-10-22T08:14:00.000-07:00

eversince school started,
i dont remember a day that i was home early

i guess i can actually count the number the number of occasions that i was early

i am taxed with alot of work
alot of things to think about
friends, school work, relationships, events

it was only yesterday that i got the chance to unwind
was over at the newly opened shopping centre, VivoCity
claimed to be Asia's largest
i thought it was large enough only cause it made me go round and round
and end up at the same spot after half an hour of rounding

was there with Cindy and Via...my dearest...

snapped like tonnes of pictures...

a day well-spent...

cheers...

a reflection of.... us three....

...just some of snaps that i thought was nice....

questions to myself...

2006-10-17T21:56:00.000-07:00

militarism?

this is how i approach things?

trust?
who to trust? who not to?

attitude problem?

do i really have one?

expectations?

what are they?

...questions...
left unanswered

so where does the problem lies?
with myself?

birthday celebration

2006-10-17T08:04:00.000-07:00

(from left: fatt,babe,via,sun,ian,ervina,cai and myself)
the picture can tell how much fun i had

fun. touched. treasured moments. friends' company.all i needed.

celebrated my birthday with the company with my dearest frens
simple yet memorable and special to me
cupcakes to spare

moments treasured
tiredness set aside
candles blown wishes made

two pairs of shirts
a million wishes come with it

a birthday celebration
none comparable

2006-10-12T18:33:00.000-07:00

of those i treasure
.dead.bored.feeling sleeping in the lunch hour has become a norm. emptiness fill me up. lost in time and technology. friends come and go....

civil mindedness

2006-10-12T18:31:00.000-07:00

caught up with BB
usual dinner at long john's
chatted and we updated each other on what's been happening
right after dinner,as we were about to walk out of the outlet,
"we need more civil minded people around"
it just blurted out of BB's mouth

it triggered another topic to talk about
there is just now enough people whom are civil minded here in Singapore
come to think about it, i have to agree with him...
i wouldn't say that i am "all civil minded"
but the very least of things,i do what's expected,
the simplest of them all,to throw rubbish to where they belong
singaporeans have got lots to say...but what they do about it...
is incomparable

a friend's theory...that set me thinking

2006-10-08T23:56:00.000-07:00

.lost . missing . fusion of feelings . a ray of hope . crushed .

a friend's theory
"i don't want a ship...but i dream of having one.."

think about it

what does it really mean?

reflect... what does it actualy bring?

2006-09-30T23:45:00.000-07:00

caught up with BB
usual dinner at long john's
chatted and we updated each other on what's been happening
right after dinner,
as we were about to walk out of the restaurant,
"we need more civil minded people around"
it just blurted out of BB's mouth

it triggered another topic to talk about
there is just now enough people whom are civil minded here in Singapore
come to think about it, i have to agree with him...

i wouldn't say that i am "all civil minded"
but the very least of things,
i do what's expected, the simplest of them all,
to throw rubbish to where they belong

singaporeans have got lots to say...
but what they do about it...
is incomparable

.:poly forum:.:semester II:.

2006-09-22T19:07:00.000-07:00

the 4 days 3 nights poly forum ended with all the participants having to present all their hard work to the parlimentary secretary of the MCYS. looking at the forum from a different angle, i am much exposed and am more aware of the real life situations that is affecting our world right now.
"Empowering and Engaging through Global Partnerships" this was the theme for this year's forum.

Being in the backseat, you can really see how much effort and hard work the participants put in for this forum and how much they really want to do to make a difference in the world and their plans that are already laid out, ready to be executed. Though i am involved in the forum indirectly, i pretty much understand what sub theme 3 "the living aging world" is doing as i was attached to them, as a logistics personnel.

i regretted not joining the big event when i was asked to because i can see how much fun they are having and how much experience they have gotten. i told myself just after the camp that the next year that it is hosted, i am joining and i'll make sure that i will.

Early mornings, lots of running, rushing to get things set up, ensure that my sub theme gets the necessary logistics that they need for whatever reason. This were the things that each and everyone of the logistics personnels had to face every single day. On top of this, we still had to be in our formal wear on two occasions. imagine the appearance of a shirt that hasnt been ironed, all crumpled = ugly and unpresentable. We beared with it and we got through it. it was one hell of an experience.

all the running and moving around and moving things has somehow affected me. my right leg is hurting so bad. i would have to experience lots of pain on my knee and my thigh when i take the stairs or when moving around fast. it just hurts sooo bad...

poly forum ended on thursday. i was supose to have class on that very day, it should have been my first day in school for the second semester. after the forum, i was drained. i felt so weak and my legs gave up on me.

went home with my huge bag
took the train form the east coast to the west coast
a long sleepy journey home
slept throughout the journey
woke up just in time when it reaches my station

dad fetched me home
cleaned up, unpacked, packed bag for the next day
and off to bed
was a peaceful night
nothing woke meup or distrupted my sleep

woke up the next morning only to find out that i was sleeping in my parent's room
for the night
got ready and am of to school

was the second day for many, but the first for a bunch
entered my new class, met new classmates
he ambience was kinda cold
people were with their own clique
talked to those who they already knew
just cant be bothered by the rest, strangers

i knew nobody
got myself onto an empty seat
scanned the faces of my new classmates

they were expressionless
none seemed friendly

one by one entered the room
3 girls came and sat on the same table
i guess i had to start the ball rolling
said hi and the four of us started to talk

first day of school isnt that bad after all...
will have to wait and get to work with rest of my new classmates
i have like 11 weeks anyway..

cheerios

run for hope ' 06

2006-09-17T07:56:00.000-07:00

i cant remember the last time i really ran
i guess the last would have to be back in secondary school
running for 2.4km NAPFA test

i've always find it fun to run in a really big group
it just makes you forget how tired you are
the company just keeps you going on

it was a really an enjoyable experience today
i actually opted for the 9km run during the registration
but... hehes
during the run, i was really slowed down my the trail
it was going uphill for about 3 quaters of the journey

i was really struggling for breath
at first, haizzatd,jason,mike and me were running together
but when we reach the point where the 5km and 9km take different routes,
haizzaitd and jason were no where sighted
left me and mike rinning the 5km route

i kept running and running
mike and i kept on going and we took turn to motivate each other
mike slowed down and i left him
*come to hink of it, it's kinda mean huh? well....*

i continued running
i told myself that i cant stop
it was the last 1km
i ran and gained my momentum
continued and unknowingly
i've reached the last 500m
you just feel that everybody just dont want to stop running
it the last 500m and we all dont want to end the marathon walking right?
so we ran and there it was,
the fininshing line

i dashed across the finishing line
went to the counter and grab a banana or two and a bottle of water to hydrate myself
it was trully and experience

"Run For Hope 2006"

the right choice? i wonder...

2006-09-11T10:01:00.000-07:00

have you ever had the feeling that you made the right decision/choice?
but end up the choice you make backfires?

why does everything wrong seems to fall over me?
what wrong have i done to deserve all this from you people?

listen
thats all that i need from you
just to listen to what i have to say

understand
just try to understand me
dont start shooting me with questions that i dont have an answer to provide you with myself

so.....

have you ever had this feeling that you've made the right choice?
but ended upthe choice you made doesnt seem so right afterall?

...give me the path...
...i'll lead my own way...
...to wherever my feet brings me...

stood up for myself, held firm on my decision

2006-09-10T06:30:00.000-07:00

"Climb On!"
a rock climbing competition that i looked forward into joining and competing
it would be my first time
it was supposed to be a team effort
but was there even a team to start with?

i texted a friend, supposingly a team mateto confirm our participation in the competition
texted him in the afternoon
the long awaited reply was something unexpected
the answer i got, was the question i wanted an answer i was utterly dissapointed to get the response
the replies i got form the messages he texted me was just filling me up with rage

i am new to all this and here you are asking me to make the call?
and to inform me,2 minutes before in was the day of competition that i was ELECTED team captain?

i was seriously shock
i wasn't expecting anything like it coming from him
a friend whom i thought i could trustbut he just took the trust i had in him away

after the incident
i just didnt want to compete anymore
i wanted to join as a team
but after what i've been forced to face and hear,i was turn off and was really pissed
he called telling me to meet up the next day so we could go the the competition venue together

despite the fact that i've told him that i wasnt joining he insisted
i held on to my decision i didnt want to goif i were to compromise,it would just show how weak i am, how indecisive i can be
though it was the event that i looked forward to,i am not regretting the fact that i decided not to go

i am proud of what decision i made i am
i will not be affected by what they are going to say about me anymore
i know who my friends are know
and how worthy they are

OUTWARD BOUND, SINGAPORE

2006-09-04T05:03:00.000-07:00

thoughts and reflections that i pen down during the camp

'Day 1'
> the thought of having to leave home for 5 days was a complete turn off. But after having spent the whole day with my team mates; all from different clubs, has allowed me to face up to people with different working styles. (me and mike on the last day)
>this has somewhat a great shiftand a challenge for me because the styles that i have to face with, unfortunately for me, they are of those that i find it really difficult to work
with. As i shut my eyes the night before, i told myself, 'tomorrow is definitely going to be a better day..'

'Day 2'
>Day 2 started of with a rush due to lack of time to pack our stuffs for the sea expedition. everyone of us were excited (it couldn't be seen, more of a feeling that everyone of us mutually felt and shared) . As we were doing the packing (alot of packing in fact!), there were several whom being backbenchers and just contributing what we call 'eyepower' , just looking and not doing anything.
>i am in the position of those who were fight against time to try and pack all the things needed to as soon as possible. i turn. looked at them. and i thought to myself, "what are they thinking?"
>i couldn't bother to get them moving because i know it wont make them barge. i am just looking forward to the next activity and i'll see the progress.

'Day 2 -Night'
>We are in OBS, going "mobile". Reached our 1st campsite (OBS site II). we started off slow, we were taking our own sweet time and just not meeting any of the timings that we were given. i am dissapointed in myself and the rest of the participants.
>Dissapointed in them for still not realising what they are all here for. "LEADERSHIP" . the word is suppose to mean alot to us all, but in this case, it carries no meaning. it doesnt seem to be understood by all. i was really hoping for a change in the way we all work and do things.
>Along the way, many obstacles that challenged us as a team, i thought i was going to see us working better together and work as a TEAM. but i guess i wanted to see to much.

'Day 3-4'
>two days of sea expedition. we were really tested out of out comfort zone. this was mainly due to the continuous heavy rain that we had to overcome together as a team. we really had to communicate with each other. though we met with alot of set backs (wrong way).
>when we reached our campsite 2, we had to again fight the heavy rain, to set our basha, to cook dinner and to get changed to our dry clothings. the rain subsided for awhile but it continued again.

>we all tried to get as much sleep as possible as it was really freezing and it was difficult to get our eyes to close

>was woken up at about 230hours, Mother Nature was calling. i was in the middle of no where
our campsite was only about 50 metre away from the sea
i know i had to make do with the "toilet"
i had a tummy ache
i had to let it all out
i had to dig a hole and well, do my business
it was a hell new experience

'Day 4'
>we got back to our residential campsite
had our dinner and then we headed down for our night activity
it is something that was to test our confidence and the trust we had in ourselves
they call it the "tunnel"
it required us to feel our way
it was pitch dark; you cant see a thing not even your fingers
it was an experience that i would not forget

'Day 5'
>the end of the whole 5 days course
we were all attached to one another even with the two instructors; Hiap Lu and Serene
they had tolerated with all of us for the whole course
OBS
a camp
a course
a memory that would stay with me

OUTWARD BOUND SCHOOL
SINGAPORE

yours,
diniy

back home

2006-09-01T07:25:00.000-07:00

just got back home from OBS, it was a 5 day camp, fatigue is just taking a heavy toll on me. will jot down much more details the next time... werk in the morning, got to sleep early... am so tired and feeling soo sick...

dead tired,

dinie

the HOlidays Are Here To StaY!!!

2006-08-24T22:24:00.000-07:00

wwwoooooooooooooHHhoOOoooOOo!!!!

after 16 weeks of PROBLEM-BASED LEARNING in RP,i'm still surviviinnng!!! *i'm shouting this out loud* the holidays are here to stay!!

i am not pretty sure whether it should be called "holiday" or should it be a "getaway". to me, it seems that it gona be a month long getaway. i dont even have time to lie down on my bed and rest.. .

PATHETIC

i foresee that i'm gona spend half of my holidays out of home doing some shitty stuffs or if not, will definitely be in school...

i'm starting to get attached to RP. i wonder if it's a good thing or a bad thing. well i dun reay care anymore...

i just dont want the holidays to end... *you realise i'm starting to talk lots of crap here* what am i talking?... the holidays has just begun!! hahahs

i'm loving it!!

phew...

2006-08-19T22:08:00.000-07:00

wow!... it's been a while since i'm here... obviously, i've been really busy with school, planning for the Adventure Race which is to happen in december... the date is still tentative though... i'm so looking forward to seeing this happen. it's something big that i'm organising and i want to do it with a bang!

life has been really crazy. lots of downs and compared to the ups... if you know what i mean... arguments...misunderstanding...tonnes of work...destitute... just to name a few...despite all this, i am glad that i've pulled myself together again and move on to the better things in life...

right now, i sooo need the sun... the beach.. a nice tann... aahhhh.... it would be sooo nice to just lie at the beach under the sun with good old frens...

would be away from the 28th to the 1st of september for Club Leaders Training... going to OBS... wen i get back, it would be only about 3 days of rest before i head down to Jerankang,Malaysia for my trek... wen i get back to singapore on the 8th, rest for 2 days, and i'll be off again... still in singapore this time.. only that i'll be competing in Climb On!, a rock climbing competition... am really looking forward to it.. a first time for me... before that i would need to buy my climbing shoes which would be costing me about $100- $140... a big bomb...

i hope that my money issues would somehow be solved when i start werk... will be werking in Singapore Science Centre on the weekends, starting on the 27th August... as a "volunteer supervisor"it's not bad though, considering the fact that i wont be doing much, just to monitor the volunteers who come in and help out where ever needed and get paid $5.50/ hour... how cool is that....

it's just about here this time round.. i know you just are just complianing that i dun update often.. sorri la people.. dinie is a busy guy.. ahahs... promise u, will try and update it as often as possible... missing you all loads!

national day parade preview part 1

2006-07-30T08:01:00.000-07:00

it was the 29th July yesterday
headed down to school in the early morning
for the 1st Management Club (MC) Induction Programme
some stupid shitty stuffs
i am in the Adventure Learning Club MC,
post of Head for Special Projects
programme was suppose to start at 83ohours
but we delayed it for another half an hour
it just adds up to the time that we are suppose to be released
we were suppose to end at 5
so you do the math....

right from the start of the programme
i know that i have to leave by 330hours latest
i have to be at Kallang by 445hours
i am about to be in the history of NDP
it's the National Day Parade Preview
the last time that it is going to b held at the National Stadium
before the stadium is being demolised

...and we await for the new National Stadium to be up...

i am gald that i am in the making of Singapore's history with my dearies;
Weiying, Shirin and the one who made it all possible,
Ms Ervina Mohd Jamil...
the provider of the tickets

the clocked ticked and it strucked 330hours
without hesitation, said my goodbyes to my committee and joyce
left the school as fast as my legs could bring me
head down to the train station and took the train heading fo kallang to meet up with the girls

*times passes*

...at first, there was only one...

...then another one came...this one, with "french fangs"...

the third one came with a huge smile

and the forth,the last one...Adam's only decendent if you know what i mean

we met
headed down to the National Stadium
look at the crowd...
all in dressed in red top
when Singaporeans go patriotic
we go all out
if we view it from the top,
i can only imagine that we all look like little red ants crawling to the huge colony (stadium)

once we're at the entrance of the stadium,
it wasnt over
we were'nt allowed in yet
or
at least after we pass the long queue
however it was still bearable despite the scorching sun
the sun just feels as though it's like only 10 feet above us...
or maybe it was just our imagination

passed the long queue after about half an hour
by then,
the programme has begun about 15 minutes
we made our way up as fast as possible

as we got sitted down
(we were sitting at the 2nd last row)
superly close to where the fireworks are light going to happen!!)
ran throught the stuffs in the fun pack
like the years before, many freebies and tidbits...

TO BE CONTINUED...

2006-07-17T06:50:00.000-07:00

reported to school at 7,
was slightly later than the rest of the "investigators"
got out groupings and boarded the bus and headed to our first destination...

our first stop was "kopi hill" or "kopi san" or in plain english "coffee hill"
must be wondering since when did a coffee plantation exist in Sg...moreover, a coffee hill??
well, there seem to be one, somewhere off thomson road near the old Police Academy...
this was where we visited a hut which seems to be abandoned.It looked old and just in a big mess.what was shocking was that it actually had a huge tomb in the middle of the "house".There were about more than 10 cages, with it's occupant ranging from birds to rabbits to squirrels. the whole "house" was smelly, smelt of animal's dung. the house was simple.a man made bed, an altar, a pole to hang clothes, a compartment to store the food was all that made up the house.

went to other several places which was reach in urban legands

rumors of ghost sightings and such

when i was there, i was greeted with somewhat foreign customs and practices

i respected what they were doing but many questions that come to mind

*i'd not state whatever that came across my mind to avoid any misunderstanding*

it's my fault, i should have posted this up like some decades ago

no, the memories of the trip is very vague

post up the pictures and let them tell you the story and they have....

a tombstone...nameless corpse...denoted by 4 digits

*didnt manage to take much pictures due to the nature of the trail and as a sign of respect*

till the next paranormal trip....

how fortunate we are, we just dont appreciate it, just dont see it,

2006-07-10T03:48:00.000-07:00

hey...it's been awhile since my last entry. My apologies, been really caught up with school work and rock climbing training...

well, i went over to the island of Batam, Indonesia 2 weekends ago.Was there on a day trip to shop around for stuffs.

Spending on what seems to be super expensive and luxurious in Singapore, like colognes which can cost you up to $70, i got myself a bottle of Daviduff Coolwater for just RP50,000 that is only S$10. It sounds unbelievable and u might say that it's a fake but you're soo wrong, it's an original...surprisingly...

Besides spending like there isnt tomorrow, i was taken aback by the condition of the place. It was on the other extreme end if compared Singapore on a scale. Everything was just out of order.A common sight in Batam, but in Singapore? It's a sight that it rare and definitely uncommon in our little island. The drains...filled with rubbish...

there are just so many things that i saw that just made me feel so appreciated that I am in Singapore...

look at what we would last see in our Sunny Island....A common sight to them... A sight that would be rare to spotted in Singapore...

since when were motorbikes meant for more than 2 people? and withour safety helmets?

turning into the main road just like that...without any signals...

3 on a bike, 2 with helmets, 1 at extreme risk of facing danger

a single lane road made for vehicles going on opposite directions

while i was there, sights of little boys and girls jay walking were scary... even i, dont dare to cross the road. but they we happily walking, smiling whereas i was worried about their safety...

how lucky are we? to be here in Singapore? where the roads are safely designed...and you can cross the road without having to worry as much as you would if you're on their roads...

We just wont appreciate what we have, only until we experiance it personally...

I'm now much more contented with what i have and what i get.

in fact, we should all start to feel contented with what with got and stop complaining over the slightest things...

yours truely,

diniy d.hamzah

reflection

2006-06-26T08:12:00.000-07:00

*supposingly to be posted on the 26th june, monday*

got up slightly earlier today to meet up with my campmates to head to school together. Despite being so tired, i didnt want to show it. I didnt want to feel tired. It just isnt me. Entered class only to find a male facilitator; replacing ivy who was feeling under the weather. The meetings were the usual first meeting template and other usual stuff.

chatted with my god-brother online and we decided to meet up for dinner. i was just looking forward to it. wanted my lessons to end faster. if only i could control it.

am not in the mood for lesson. was just feeling under the weather. must have been the monday blues.

it was a fusion of feelings. i was happy and was having this weird feeling of saddness. i am clueless myself.

why is it i'm feeling all this?

life has just been really tiring

had always had the feeling that i wanted to give up

but deep down, there's something that tells me not to

and i listened.

sat through lesson

not listening to whatever was presented

nothing at all

i just wanted to leave

just felt so tired, haven got enough rest though the weekend just passed

as time flies, class ended

i was dead due to the boredom

left class and met with fel and joyce

went for our meeting

sat through and just listen to what they had to brag about

the three of us were just listening

whether we actually understood what was presented is another thing

as soon as it ended, we made our way out

i headed down to meet up with my god-brother.

though we are separated by difference in age, race, religion, beliefs,

i don't feel any barrier in between us

a nervous feeling would gather and fill me up

sometimes, i'd be worried if we wouldn't have anything to talk about

but it is a completely different thing when we meet up

we would have lots to talk about

our differences are just put aside

though we make jokes about it

life is common topic between us

we would learn something new about each other whenever we meet up

we talk about

education, family, love, just about anything

it's funny that though we have so much differences, none of it is actually felt.

comfort and brotherly love is all that i feel

we had dinner and talked

the journey back home was not lonely this time,

big brother send me back home

as expected, throughout the journey

time was preciously spent talking and reflecting about life

a night to treasure...

.........................................................................................................................................................................

Life

Everyday, every week time goes by. Every once in a while you feel like time goes by so fast. It gets so sad knowing that as time goes by things change and you change. Sometimes you'd do anything to go back to the safer times. When days past you're scared, scared of what the future holds you, terrified that you won't survive the real world. As time goes by you get older and the days become shorter. You never know what kind of problems tomorrow will bring .Will it bring any at all? Since you get older you think more about each day. You look so far into the future you can picture weddings, birthdays, and funerals. It's all so depressing you never know how your life will turn out.

what i really need?

2006-06-24T08:23:00.000-07:00

it's a satuerday today and it's clearly a day that i've been looking for since the beginning of the week. first week of school has been really hectic and crazy... meeting here, meeting there and many more meetings coming up next week!! i'm going crazy and all this is just draining me up. i'm inside so many *Interest Groups!! *it's what RP refers to CCAs* i don't know if i am able to cope with them and my studies as well.

i remembered that i told chester that i've got to begin to priortize my time and manage it well. i guess time swiped pass me too fast that i just dont realise how involved i am. the weekends it all that i look forward to everytime monday arrives.

this is what i really need now... my beauty sleep... dark circles around my eyes... i want it gone. knowing how vain i can be, i would o what it takes to get it off *smiles*.

but is this what i REALLY need?

i myself am clueless of what i need. what i really need.

so what do i really need?

i wonder.....

i'm still waiting for an anwer

it's over...

2006-06-18T00:46:00.000-07:00

it's the 18th june today... it just means that i would be starting my second term in Republic tomorrow... two weeks of term break has ended but i am not ready to face up to the new term... the past weeks has really been tiring;activities,camps and trainings, one after another.

no doubt that i had lots of fun doing things that i like but fatigue has really taken a toll on me. i just want to lay back,relex and unwind but i'm afraid that time is not letting me.

it's just a problem with me i guess.i have a problem with managing my time. i love to do alot of things but i just don't know how to priortise my stuffs. i do not know how to manage my time which is already so constrained and depleting... i act as though their isn't a tomorrow.

"live your life like there's no tomorrow"

i abide to this quote as though it's a law and if not abided, a punishment is sentence... i'm making this oath to myself, as of the 19th june, first day of term to in republic, i would want to take things much slower and priortise all of my stuffs. be it things that i like and want to do and things that i dont like but have to do...school work,relationships,friend & family and my daily activities... i have got to priortise all of them. even if it means that i would have to sacrifice any of it due to reasons, i guess i would have to... take control of all that i've engaged myself in.

it's only like the second week of june and i'm already destitute to the last cent.i spent my money like as though they grow on trees. one thing about me, i dont think of the consequences only after i've done something. so now, it's my own medicine that i am tasting. i have got to fight for my own survival now... i dont dare to get more money from my parents.. i dont come from a super wealthy family, but we are, i would say above average... i understand that it has always been a wish of my parents to perform the priglim over and arab and i understand also that i would cost them a bomb and they are saving up to make their very own wish come true... i would'nt want to be the one who hinders it all...

on a good note, during the holidays, i managed to catch up with many of my loved ones.

Finally caught up with chester,my god-brother...after one and a half years...it was great to see him again... went over to my gramps place after about one and a half months due to my hectic sheadule;school,camps and training all act like a barrier preventing my presence... next is the camp that my secondary school held at changi coast campsite. over there, managed to catch up my teachers and friends whom i've not met for so long...

my past weeks of break was very much time set a side for cathing up with loved ones..and i treasure it all...i really do...

"carpe diem"...latin for sieze the day...a principal firmly upheld by chester...

and a principal i am starting to believe in...

just another entry...

2006-06-09T09:59:00.000-07:00

just like any another day...

went out after noon to "food from the heart" @ novena...to help my sis pick up some stuffs cause she was feeling under the weather... it's been a while since i last went to the office...used to spent alot of time volunteering there...but time does not allow so nowadays...

headed back to jurong to meet up with old friens for dinner...ian, serene, sylvia, christine and cyntia...we went to banquet and it was packed with people. no seats for us the starving souls...so we decided to have our food to-go...

ian and i had our meal form mos burger whereas the girls had theirs from kfc... when ian and i entered kfc, we were quite shock to see the new queueing system that the restaurant is operating on..

they had the sign for queue and you are expected to join in the row to buy your food... it's the queue like those for buying 4D... we were all laughing about it and it's one of the main reason why i am here blogging it down... after which we headed down to one of the shelters to have our meal...it's pathetic you might say..but it's out of desparation..we were all starving!!

we talked...we crapped, and just laugh our hearts... really enjoyed myself...spending time with my secondary school friends is like a very "rare" opputunity as everyone of us has our own commitments...

missing the good old times....miss my secondary school and schoolmates...

reminiscing the good old times...

2006-06-07T07:58:00.000-07:00

met up with shirin and headed down to queensway to get some stuffs. went round and round the mall just to get our fbt jerseys. and we found the shop, guess what?

"auntie,how much is the fbt sleeveless jersey?"
"$39.90"

me and shirin were like...WHAT!?!?!!?!?

we walked around, still in our heads, "fbt jerseys, $39.90"... until we came across another shop selling fbt jerseys. we asked and it just shocked us. they are selling it only at $14.90. we were laughing about it and cursing at the auntie. trying to cheat our money... we chose our jerseys, got it paid, and we rushed off to the mrt station to meet up with lisa... our friend...student of Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts...a fashion designer to-be...

it's been a while since i last saw her...the last time i guess was duing our Evening of Music and Dance. it was really nice to catch up with her...i still find it hard to believe on how much time has passed but nothing has changed...just like what i posted in my previous entry...

we still had lots to talk about and lots of common things that we share... we headed down to art friend @ bras basah to get her art stuffs...

while browsing through the colourful paints, the three of us just stood there...reminiscing the good old times while we were still in secondary school... going to art friend very frequently to get paints and brushes for our 'O' level art and design... on how we would all stay back in the art room till the school is about to close and helping each other out... supporting each other and encouraging one another to do our work and complete it fast even though we are struggling to complete it ourselves....

just how much i miss those days... it is so much different now that i'm in RP... it's such a fast paced environment that you wouldn't even have the time to pamper yourself...it just made me realize how precious time is and where i started to treasure every moment of it and try to catch up with my family and friends as often as possible...

it was really nice to have caught up with both shirin and lisa... eventhough we didnt really spent much time...things hadn't change much...am glad it didnt... like i've said, i'd treasure even the slightest moments that i share with my family...and my friends...

... every moment of it...

a tribute to a stranger i once knew....

2006-06-06T07:55:00.000-07:00

*note that this was to be posted on the 4th of june 2006*

it was about one and a half years since i last met up with chester,my god-brother. finally, after so long, we met up again but on a sad note.

i woke up early...i am in camp still. i got ready, walked across the forum where the rest of the campers were still deep in their sleep.walked towards the RPC @ rp to wait for my brother to fetch me.it's been a while since we last met and i felt really excited and somehow kind of nervous.i was wondering how i would react to see him again. as i saw him driving into the foyer, i stood still and smiled. happiness just filled me, i was just happy to see him again.i wasnt nervous no more.

hopped on to the car and we headed down to hougang, to ms jane's.while making our way there, we took the time to catch with each other.we talked, we laughed, we both just cant believe and we amazed on how time hasnt changed the bond that we shared.it was really nice.he also showed me a piece of paper, written were road names and expressway exits, telling me that i was just a guide so that he wont get lost while making his way to fetch me.when we reach to ms jane's, lots of others we already there. sighted some familiar faces; june, patrick and tabi.was nice to see them all too. surprisingly they remembered me as the one who made my dear brother cried during my leadership camp '03. it is strange how time may have passed but memories are still intact.

big brother caught up with his friends, some of which he hasnt met for sometime already.while waiting for him, i stood there still, observing a foreign tradition and custom, one which i've never seen nor experience.he called for me,walked me into the area where ms jane lied. she lied there still, motionless, just like a baby who's deep in her sleep. along side this, was the smile that she'd always carried. it was a very emotional moment as flashbacks of the times i worked with her in planning for my secondary school's level camp 2 years ago. all the time we spent coming out with games. the many hours we spent with each other, talking and joking and of cause, getting to know each other better.she's always the one who motivated us to do better and ensure that all that we've done has been great. it is no doubt due to her help, encouragement and guidance.

we waited till it was time to move. together, we walked behind the van.everyone walked, without talking. there wasnt much one can say to the other. half way through, we turn back and took the car and headed for mandai. when we reached, the hall was already crowded. me and big brother squeezed our way through to the corner. after the monk chanted some prayers, a music was played and everyone rose, the rugby girls sang a song in tribute to ms jane. after so, we were told to move to the viewing hall to have the final look before she joins the angels above.

we all tried to cramp ourselves into the hall which was rather small. as we stood there, ms jane's was being pushed into another room once she was inside, the doors were shut. that was it, the last time any of us could see her.tears rolled down my cheek, it was uncontrollable.we walked out of the hall, headed down to the boarding area to wash our hands and faces with the "flower water". big brother hugged one of his close friends and tears rolled down from his eyes. i stood there, i didnt know what to do, i wished i could have just done something but i dont know what.left the boarding area and down to the car park, we made our way out of the building and passed the reservoir and bb stopped to snap a picture of it.a beautiful sight it was.

big brother wanted to have breakfast and do we went over to mac donald's. as we sat, we started talking. it was a time that both of us treasured so much. to meet each other again after one and a half years...

after breakfast, got into the car and we were off to go back to rp, through out the whole trip, bb hasnt lose his way at all only until the final turn, he missed the sign and turn the wrong direction. and we were "lost" for that split second. we laughed our way through... as we reached rp, there wasnt much laughter. we had to leave each other. got off the car,and hugged, we were both just happy that we met up with each other today... even though it is on a sad note...

big brother, thank you for everything that you've given me...

2006-04-05T09:23:00.000-07:00

"Don't Speak"

You and me
We used to be together
Everyday together always
I really feel
That I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe
This could be the end
It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real
Well I don't want to know

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts

Our memories
Well, they can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening
As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts

It's all ending
I gotta stop pretending who we are...
You and me I can see us dying...are we?

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't tell me cause it hurts!
I know what you're saying
So please stop explaining

Don't speak,
don't speak,
don't speak,
oh I know what you're thinking
And I don't need your reasons
I know you're good,
I know you're good,
I know you're real good
Oh, la la la la la la La la la la la la
Don't, Don't, uh-huh Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush
don't tell me tell me cause it hurts
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush don't tell me tell me cause it hurts

2006-04-03T09:55:00.000-07:00

Heres more of the photos that i've promised...

pâtes bolognaise

pizza tahitienne
poulet forestière steak bistro au poivre noir

signature bread pudding

The Aftermath.......

my story..my life..my choice

2006-04-02T00:21:00.000-08:00

At first,i share the very same opinion like some others... "to express your feelings and let others view it..some others who we don't even know...so much talking about privacy..."
I guess i differ in opinion now... *grins* i guess i'm just moved by time... no more of the traditional "dear diary" and journals...

...Good Bye "dear diary" harLu Blogspot!!!...

This would be my 2nd entry... Ever since the first entry, life hasn't been all bad.. . It was rather boring eversince i quitted my job at Gelatissimo...The job that open the oppurtunity to meet with people of different races and colours and most definitely nationalities and language...It was indeed an exeperiance that i would never forget..This has definitely got to include also my dearest colleagues with different,out-of-ordinary,crazy,funny and even gayish personality and i really mean it when i say gayish...They are just a great and wonderful bunch to work with.And not forgetting the big bost himself,Vince,Director of Gelatissimo Singapore...Even at times no doubt that he can be a pain in the ass,he can be really nice as well...i guess many of my colleagues would PUKING at my werds now..But hey! he is nice to me,i cant doubt that fact...*smiles*

Guess wad,from where you are reading now, it's past almost 5 hours since i typed the previous paragraph...oOOPss...where did i go? well, my family and i went out for dinner over at Délifrance Bistro @ Jurong Point. We filled out empty stomachs wif lots of delicious but FATTENING food.. yum yum...Its not like we having it everydae?!... not wrong to pamper urself once in awhile right... look at wad we had!!!
On the right(below) is L'Osso Bubo which is actually veal!! hehes..on the left(up) is Jarret d' Agneau Braisé...Laymans' term would be Lamb Shank...Chef's Recommendation!!Lovely!! there is more to look and drool at! check out the next entry..i will post up all the food and other pictures taken that night!!(03/04/06)... check out a fren's blog as well @ innusense.blogspot.com btw, hudas' her name =)

Chill Out!!
dinie hamzah
04/04/06
0055hrs

I'm UPDATED!!

2006-03-15T02:11:00.000-08:00

wOohOo!! ma OWN bloG... i'm so the "it-savvy" kinda guy... -yea rite- =) hahas
i'm sooo proud of myself *ahem* :p to have FINALLY gotten my own blog
...after like soo long...
please consider the FACT that i'm a total computer/IT freak! :) hahas...
this is all for the 1st entry...MORE to come definitely...wOooHoOoo